I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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