anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
