Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
