Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Vodka?
Forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
