You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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