Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
