I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
