dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
