and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize