Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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