We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
