hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
