you guys were way drunker than both of me
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
