Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she smelled like a LAN party
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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