She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
