turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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