Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
