Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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