in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
