dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
