i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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