She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
