Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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