Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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