Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
