I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
