Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
