My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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