I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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