Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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