he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
