We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
