Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
