Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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