Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
