I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
