i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize