Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
