Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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