i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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