i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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