Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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