He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
