Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
