Do you still have your period?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
