If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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