mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
