Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
