My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize