just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize