We won't sleep together?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
