I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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