Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
