he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
