He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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