i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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