Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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