nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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