You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
