Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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