Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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