I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
