My balls are so social today.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize