Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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