tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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