I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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