I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
