Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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