I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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