Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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